SUMO
noun

1. A Japanese form of wrestling in which a competitor loses if forced from the ring or if any part of his body except the soles of his feet touches the ground
2. An Ukulele-wielding space samurai and master of spiritual self defense
3. Mystical American Patriots Society Starfleet Commander

synonyms: none

Sumo is the Starfleet Commander of The Mystical American Patriots Society. He has been engaged in battle against the forces of darkness for roughly two decades and is a veteran of many wars you’ve never heard of. Armed primarily with a ukulele, he leads The Mystical American Patriots against the forces of Satan to drive the demonic from our lands.

Long ago, in the beforetime, Sumo had an awakening that the world was constructed of an integrated system of lies and that people were locked into it, as prisoners to a dream.  It became his life’s work to free people from their delusions in hopes that they might again find union with the Divine.

Using sophisticated metaphysical technologies he trains people in spiritual self defense techniques against all manner of phantasmic creatures including, but not limited to, Wetiko, Succubi, Wendigo, Familiars, Poltergeist, and Jinn.

He has been referred to as a “pioneer of the space samurai lifestyle”, whatever that means.  Others have said that he is, quote, “Like John Lennon, if John Lennon wasn’t a weirdo.”

In his free time, he enjoys explorations into alternative footwear and throwing money off of bridges into the river.

SMOKESTACK
noun

1. —
2. —
3. —

synonyms
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Smokestack is a podcast producing clone: the product of a decades long eugenics program. About two years ago he was spewed forth from a giant tube of bubbling goo.

Eventually his immune system will fail and he will explode into a giant pile of worms. But, in the meantime, Smokestack enjoys homesteading, cultural criticism, community building, mechanical tinkering, contemplating the beauty of creation, and walking to and fro upon the earth.